Full Disclosure: Head colds make me grumpy and I haven't completely shaken the one I got on Thanksgiving Day so this post is a rant of things to avoid rather than a helpful how-to discussion. And, no, The Cranky Product Manager did not write this post.
I was looking at the exhibitor list for the recent Enterprise 2.0 conference in Santa Clara and discovered a veritable goldmine of MABUSHI. I read each company's description of themselves and was amazed at how many "leading providers" of the same thing there are. I was also gobsmacked at how many other descriptions were so unintelligible that I had no idea what they did.
Here are just a few examples of how companies described themselves, along with my snarky response:
that shows you understand what you do, who your customers are, why they should care. Then write it in ONE SENTENCE and use language that real humans can understand.
Just to show I'm not a complete grinch, one company, TriNet got it right. Hit it out of the park, actually. Here's their self-description:
Clean. Short. To the point. Describes exactly what they do, for whom and why. A thing of beauty.
Congratulations to TriNet for understanding how to talk to their customers and not talk about themselves!
Next time: More Grumpiness - in 10-foot letters.